It was 2008, I was married, had two grown children and a good job, but somehow I still felt unfulfilled, empty, lost, like something was missing. I couldn’t explain it, yet I felt it. I just knew I wasn’t content, so one day, I thought I’d try going to an evening service at a church nearby. It was a very large church where I knew I could get lost in the crowd and not be noticed. I chose to sit high in the balcony to not draw any attention to me. I listened to the sermon attentively, and toward the end, the pastor asked everyone to close their eyes and bow their heads, then he invited anyone who wanted to ask Jesus to come into their hearts to simply raise their hand. All heads would be bowed he said, so no one would know except you and God.
Something inside of me knew I needed to do this, so I slowly raised my right hand as tears began to well and fall from my eyes. I didn’t know why I was crying, but I couldn’t help it. Then, all of a sudden I felt someone behind me gently touch my left shoulder and whisper if it would be okay if she could pray for me. She then whispered her name was Joyce. Well, when I heard that name, I really started crying, I mean really crying, complete with heaving shoulders and uncontrollable sobbing. Joyce just happened to be my deceased mother’s name who had always wanted me to accept Jesus!
The tears just kept coming uncontrollably, it was as if a lifetime of held-back feelings could suddenly be released. There was a flood of emotions that seemed to be released all at the same time…long-held grief, pain, guilt, unworthiness, sorrow, and emptiness – all those emotions that we try to push down and keep hidden.
Then, out of nowhere the most beautiful calm came over me. I cannot put it into words to give it justice. It was as if a warm healing balm had been poured over me from head to toe. I somehow felt washed in it, completely comforted, peaceful, accepted, unconditionally loved and filled, and no longer empty. There was an unexplainable peace and calm and that wasn’t there before.
That was the beginning of opening the door for God to come into my life. He had plans for me in the coming years. Big plans! It was a slow, gentle beginning, but I soon started hearing words and seeing visions. There were also miracles and supernatural events to come – even visits from angels! (See Supernatural.)
Was it simply a coincidence that the woman’s name that night was Joyce? I think not. My mother was a strong believer and always wanted me to believe and be baptized. She did not see it in her lifetime, but I would indeed finally become a believer – and even get baptized in November 2012. God really started moving in my life after that. He would begin giving me supernatural messages just three weeks later (see About/The Beginning), and the messages have continued to this day. I had no idea why all this was coming to me, but I knew it was for a purpose, and that I had to record it, and someday share it. This is that someday…for such a time as this.
“Behold, I stand at the door and knock:
if anyone hears my voice, and opens the door, I will come in…”